the crowd in the silent night
Why did we keep silent that night, while there were so many things in our heads that should have been said? Was there not enough time for us or did we have too many doubts to talk? I hate it when the regret gets deeper over time and nothing I could do to turn back the time for us.
We had choices not to stand there and just go somewhere, then pretend that there’s nothing to worry about. But our beliefs, a longing, and our conscience that said everything would be better guided us to the places we used to go.
Surabaya, for some moments, was too loud but so deep in silence at the same time — the confusion that brought the loss of path in our feeling.
It should have been clear enough to say that we didn’t know what we feel. Did we want to give it up or were we just stuck in regrets and anger? We stood still in the street side in the conversations we didn’t want to. The city lights in your eyes faded away as the night goes to an end.
We never know how much a moment means until we realize it was the last time. If I know that it was the last time I can see you walk by my side and we went hand in hand, I would have said how you change everything in my life since you come to me. I would have spent the night until dawn with nobody else. It would have been the night when I will look into your eyes, to remember every edge of it, because for a long time after that I missed it so bad.
Time is a trap, it doesn’t care whether we have willing to lose it all, it still forced us to move. The night went on, and no matter how much we wanted to still be there, we knew that no one could remind us that we have to be brave to face anything, even the farewell. Because whatever it would be, life goes on.
I thought it would be better if I didn’t see your back that walked away from me. But if you see my head looking down and eyes in tears, I know you gonna spend the night in blue realizing how weak we are. I pretended to be strong. I saw you walk away. I witnessed your door closing down. And I went home, in tears.
I miss everything in the city, except the pain feeling every time I remember that we haven’t met again for so long time after that night.
Life is so cruel, sometimes.